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So many faces, so many races Different voices, different choices Some are mad, while others laugh Some live alone with no better half Others grieve while others curse And others mourn behind a big black hearse Some are pure and some half-bred Some are sober and some are wasted Some are rich because of fate and Some are poor with no food on their plate Some stand out while others blend Some are fat and stout while some are thin Some are friends and some are foes Some have some while some have most . Every color and every hue Is represented by me and you Take a slide in the slope Take a look in the kaleidoscope Spinnin’ round, make it twirl In this kaleidoscope world Some are great and some are few Others lie while some tell the truth Some say poems and some do sing Others sing through their guitar strings Some know it all while some act dumb Let the bassline strum to the bang of the drum Some can swim while some will sink And some will find their minds and think Others walk while others run You can’t talk peace and have a gun Some are hurt and start to cry Don’t ask me how don’t ask me why Some are friends and some are foes Some have some while some have most

-francis M.

when i was a kid of about 9 and 10.. I always do the boys stuff, i dress like a boy, i play like a boy and i act like a boy... Then one day I climb the tree with the other boys (my playmate)..

I fell from a tree but I managed to hold on a branch.. I was up there for a long time... and waited the silence, the pain in my arms, the blood pumping in my ears..... THen.. I FELL...

I couldn't remember what happened when i hit the ground., all i could remember was..

The agony of HOLDING ON and the wonderful feeling of Letting go..

"When you are out there looking for that perfect person, Keep this things in mind:

People change no matter how hard they try not to. as you grow older you matures and with each new level of maturity comes different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at 20's could be the person you hate at 30's you have to find someone who will:

a. Grow old with you,
b. Change with you
c. Laugh with you and
d. Cry with you.

Remember that there is no such perfect person in this world buit there will always be someone who will complete you....

I walk home yesterday.. i feel sooo down.. i passed the crematorium and i feel the dull atmosphere on that area and it added on my feelings i heard people inside cryin in vain... i wanted to cry too but not for them but for myself... i told myself and God why i need and i have to be me, I myself why i have to encounter things blah blah blah blah... i struggle so much in life, work and heart... as i passed and cross the first street in Guadalupe i found myself sitting at the front of the altar inside a catholic church and staring at the image of lil baby in the manger.. there was a lil girl pull the side of my skirt and handed me a white sheet of tissue paper that lil girl is about 3 to 5 years old i guess.. i stared in her eyes and as i look on her wholeness i found myself staring at the beggar.. i ask her what's her name she answer in a baby talk way "im chubby" (wow chubby is her name but her wholeness is not like her name) and i ask her again "why do you gave me this tissue paper lil miss what's for? i was surprise in her answer..." i want you to wipe my tears" ..." to what????" i ask again "to wipe my tears" she answered.. then smiled automatically mark my face " hey lil missy youre not cryin right? i am the one who is supposed to cry then you came and handed me this tissue.. " i said. "you feel like cryin? is your mama leave you alone too? she ask me.. then she added when my mama left me she told me not to cry.... oh I know what you need" she said... then she sit beside me and burst out cryin.. O heavens! my heart is goin to tear apart when i saw her cryin... i felt something inside... and i try to calm her.. i held her in my arms and ask her everything what she wants.. and i was touched when she said " I cried because i wanted to help you.. so you will not be alone cryin" and she cries again.... and then I thank GOD...

Now i know God's feeling whenever i am sad., i saw myself in that lil missy., when she cry out loud in no particular reason.. i felt heavy on my chest.. and now i understand why i was destined to be I, myself.... it's not an accident that i had met Chubby God speaks through her.. How could I leave these people... they are my first love people like Chubby.. they have special place in my heart.. Now i understand why my heart desires to be a lawyer Coz He want's me to be an advocate of His people... but if in time that im not able to make it., i know He will bless one of my kids to carry the task He supposed to assigned for me... Amen.. Amen..

The Day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners oF a mattress located in a hospital occupied with living and dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function that for all intense and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not intent to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine and dont call this my DEATHBED, let it be called the BED OF LIFE and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives. Give my sight to the man whom never seen the sunrise and sunset a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my blood to the teenager who has pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to watch his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week. Give my heart to person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Take my bones, every muscles, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a cripled child walk. Explore every corner of my brain take my cells if necessary and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl hear the sound of rain against her window. Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the windows to help the flowers to grow. If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudices against my fellowmen.

Give my sins to devil, give my soul to God. If by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. if you do all i asked...

I WILL LIVE FOREVER...

~MARRIE~

One of the best gift anyone can give is a planner. It's good
thinking ahead, being prepared, getting high from being on top of
things. But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out as planned. You don't plan for a broken heart. You don't plan for a failed business venture. You don't plan for an adulterous spouse. You don't plan for an autistic child. You don't plan for spinsterhood. You don't plan for a lump in your breast.
You plan to be young forever. You plan to climb the corporate ladder. You plan to be rich and powerful. You plan to be acclaimed and successful.You plan to conquer the universe. You plan to fall in love --- and be loved forever. You don't plan to be sad. You don't plan to be hurt. You don't plan to be broke. You don't plan to be betrayed. You don't plan to be alone in this world. You plan to be happy. You don't plan to be shattered. Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans --- especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God sends us
crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross
that God wishes us to carry but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with. Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul. Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us w hole. Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger. Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble. Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of
ourselves. Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.

Growing up we get dismayed by the realization that we could not get everything we want. Growing old, I am delighted by the realization that although I can't have everything I want, I can want everything I have.

***

Indeed I thank God for being Sovereign and good. =) I have no
regrets being with Jesus. (He's the one always Behind me)

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes. Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so. I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company.Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon.Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew s body. This was the means of my entertainment. One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate anymore. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. Ive got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer. A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn t want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, dont tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn t tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

---

Yes, we girls tend to look for someone who will live with us until we grow old. Such a big word 'FOREVER'. The only thing I find constant is 'change', actually there's no 'FOREVER' in the equation (as far as my mind's set). But sometimes I can't help but think of what I really wanted from a guy when I was still a teenager-- I think I'm lookin' for a saint back then, idealistic indeed. It got worst when I had my bf, though I have appreciated him for a year I thought of him as a failure for the next three years. My point is, you'll never find someone who can really pass your expectations unless you lower your standards. But then when you do that and try sayin' 'he lightens' up my day!', you still had some doubts at the back of your mind. As often as I could remember, my ex would always say- true love isn't enough! Sometimes you just need to let go. What confuse me more is when the more you really wanted to work things out, the more things get complicated. Needless to say, which I hate most about love is that it is enthralled in your 'fate'. Somehow, I'm quite convinced that we don't choose love, but love finds us. We need not do stupid things just for someone to love us back. Though I'm not sayin' that a relationship should have a smooth path, I still give room for some flaws. But 'infidelity' is something else, I believe that it is one big sin that can depart a couple besides death. The scene in this article that touches my heart most is when the husband said it straight to his wife that he wanted to divorce. The husband has been hesitant for long, but i 'guess the wife has just been waitin' for some honesty from her husband. Like what in reality is hard to say-- a little 'honesty'. With this I think I can affirm that a man would still choose not say things that would hurt his girl even if it is the truth. What you don't know won't hurt you. Love can be deceivin' at times so you have to allow your intuition or your spirit to save you from heartache. Yes, you need to kiss some few frogs before finding your prince (hehehe, i like that!). But don't overdo it, you might look so desperate. Someone across the road may bump into you. Just be glad you're single! 'Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid.' 'If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.'
Marrie

You long to Give yourself completely to someone...
To have a deep Soul relationship with another...
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God Says:

"No not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone... with giving yourself totally unreserved to Me... To having an instensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone, Discovering that only Me is your satisfaction to be found, then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united wiht another until you united with me... exclusively of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings, I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing... one that you cannot imagine. I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BEST

Please allow me to bring it to you, just expect the greatest things... Keep listening and learning the things i tell you, Just wait... That's all. DON'T BE ANXIOUS... DON'T WORRY. Don't look around at the things other have gotten or that I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away and up to Me, and then when you're ready and until the one I have for you is ready.

(I am working even this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time)

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life that I have prepared for you, You can't experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and thus the perfect love.

And Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, in My time. I want you to see in the flesh, a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and Love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly.

BELIEVE IT AND BE SATISFIED...