I walk home yesterday.. i feel sooo down.. i passed the crematorium and i feel the dull atmosphere on that area and it added on my feelings i heard people inside cryin in vain... i wanted to cry too but not for them but for myself... i told myself and God why i need and i have to be me, I myself why i have to encounter things blah blah blah blah... i struggle so much in life, work and heart... as i passed and cross the first street in Guadalupe i found myself sitting at the front of the altar inside a catholic church and staring at the image of lil baby in the manger.. there was a lil girl pull the side of my skirt and handed me a white sheet of tissue paper that lil girl is about 3 to 5 years old i guess.. i stared in her eyes and as i look on her wholeness i found myself staring at the beggar.. i ask her what's her name she answer in a baby talk way "im chubby" (wow chubby is her name but her wholeness is not like her name) and i ask her again "why do you gave me this tissue paper lil miss what's for? i was surprise in her answer..." i want you to wipe my tears" ..." to what????" i ask again "to wipe my tears" she answered.. then smiled automatically mark my face " hey lil missy youre not cryin right? i am the one who is supposed to cry then you came and handed me this tissue.. " i said. "you feel like cryin? is your mama leave you alone too? she ask me.. then she added when my mama left me she told me not to cry.... oh I know what you need" she said... then she sit beside me and burst out cryin.. O heavens! my heart is goin to tear apart when i saw her cryin... i felt something inside... and i try to calm her.. i held her in my arms and ask her everything what she wants.. and i was touched when she said " I cried because i wanted to help you.. so you will not be alone cryin" and she cries again.... and then I thank GOD...
Now i know God's feeling whenever i am sad., i saw myself in that lil missy., when she cry out loud in no particular reason.. i felt heavy on my chest.. and now i understand why i was destined to be I, myself.... it's not an accident that i had met Chubby God speaks through her.. How could I leave these people... they are my first love people like Chubby.. they have special place in my heart.. Now i understand why my heart desires to be a lawyer Coz He want's me to be an advocate of His people... but if in time that im not able to make it., i know He will bless one of my kids to carry the task He supposed to assigned for me... Amen.. Amen..
